Cold Case When you look at me
by imsoproudofyou
Summary: This is a little Songfic about one of my fav. Episodes (Season 3, Ep.23 "Joseph") and it is definatly Lil and Scotty shipping ;)) My opinion how this Episode should have ended :)


AN:

Hi Folks! I'm back again!

Please Read and Review!

My side of the story of season three ep.23. „Joseph"..

It's all in **Scottys POV**.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All stays by their rightful owners!

Song: When i look at you by Miley Cyrus

/AWCPS6CXmt0

(Good old Miley- even if you don't like her- it is a beautiful song itself. Give it a try, please!)

„Sounds crazy, don't it?"

Why does her voice seems so desperate to me, so vulvernable?

What can i tell her?

And why must she look at me like this?

F...

„I can understand that very well, Lil."

That's better than nothing.

And it is true.

Because i really can.

As i fell in love with Anna Castilla that time i worked with Narcotics at West

i didn't know it any better.

But i had nobody who catched me.

Nobody like me.

And Lil will have me.

I will be the one, catching her if she will fall.

Watching her back. Like i always do.

That's what i want.

It is everything i long for.

It means more than anything to me-

But nobody could have stopped me back then,

and i feel that it is nonsense this time- with her.

Why can't i stop her?

Because it is just- Nonsense.

Damn.

And it is all on me.

You're so stupid, Scotty Valens.

Tell her something.

Talk some guilt into her.

Yeah.

Make her feel a lot more guiltier than she already feels.

She will let him fall like something disgusting.

He may stand in her way, won't he?

The jerk, Joseph.

Because she loves her job.

She won't let this endangers her work.

But there is this little one, which makes me go nuts...

If she is not ready to do something about that guy,

to risk some for him because he looks like a fucking

Quaterback

and is so Mr. Mcdreamy

because of his damn kittens and his

„_oh my god am i not the best guy in town?" _

program for junkies and all the other goodmen

stuff he is up to,

than why does she lie to me on the phone

today?

Why didn't she told Boss about him?

Because he is dangerous, that Joseph guy.

Even his name makes me feel bitter on the tongue.

I feel like as if i want to spit.

What is it that all these woman see in that kind of guy?

Hard outside, melting inside?

Like a lolly with something wet and jelly inside?

Since when does Lil like that kind of sweet-talker?

I don't want to think about it, but i start to ask myself-

if she really wants such a man,

than...

Why not me?

I can talk really sweet.

Like glue.

Like maple syrup.

F...

I'm cuban. I'm proud to be a Latino.

If i can do something 'specially good than it's whispering sweet words in womans ears...

I'm a ladies man!

But that's the wrong way.

I believe it will not work with her.

It never had.

It won't bring me anywhere near her.

Because i know that she never has anything for these idiots.

Okay.

If you don't note Kite in that list.

Or Ray.

Or that other guy who did it with Chris.

Not me.

The one who she'd wanted to marry.

F...

Maybe i'm wrong.

But in that way, why not...

No, no way man!

Stop it.

I am a good partner.

I don't want to see her getting hurt again.

Not this time.

And if it is necessary that i put on some maple syrup

for the good of this Joseph guy on her toast in the mornin'

than it may have to be that way...

„Believe in me."

i say to her.

Pah.

You already have lied a lot better, Valens.

She will see it in your eyes.

She will squeeze you like an orange for juice,

like she does it with the victims every day.

But maybe it will be refreshing to be honest with her?

To throw directly to her face:

„_No! Don't believe me._

_He is just one of that damn idiots _

_who don't deserve you, Lil!"_

But i am to afraid to do that.

Why does she wants to hear something to the matter from me?

Should i tell her that this is crazy?

Because it is.

To have feelings for someone who should be dead by now.

But she has no idea why i may find it a very stupid idea.

And even if she'll get a clue

she will not want to hear me say it.

She will not be in a good mood to hear me out.

Won't want to hear me say why i don't want her to be with that... jerk.

I don't want her to be with him...

Because i am right here-

Like i've always been there for her.

And i'm alive.

I breath and my heart is beating.

For her.

But that is something she doesn't know.

And if she might knows she won't do anything about it.

Like the time i was with Chris.

„_What's that to you?"_

i threw into her pale face.

She shall say it.

Shall show some reaction, some emotions.

Com' on, Lil!

Put the cards on the table!

Why shouldn't i be with Christina?

And it should reflect your opinion!

Not just because:

„_Uh, she's my sister!"_

But damn.

She's silent.

Looked at me like i'd shot Bambi.

And yeah... sure... Bambi can't talk.

My fault.

Like what's happening next.

But that was long time ago.

Now she is smiling at me.

She is really grateful.

And i am that stupid to believe it will do something for my credit if i tell her she is right about it.

What kind of fool am i?

A Masochist?

„I did wrong."

She looks at her feet.

And slides the knife a little bit deeper into my throat.

A lot more nearer to where my heart is.

Yes, Lil.

You did. Seriously. But that's just you, right?!

Why can't she open her eyes and look at me?

She doesn't need him.

Or any of them.

Damn Lil, you've got me!

The second you're there in observation,

you already got me.

I see it before my eyes as if it was yesterday,

not some years ago.

It occurs to me that it has to be a dream.

A wonderful dream i'm dreamin'.

Your fuzzy ponytail.

The blazer that looks on you like a gala uniform.

Your handshake is hard, like everything's about you.

But it's that what's fascinates me about you.

_**You appear just like a dream to me  
>Just like kaleidoscope colors that cover me<br>All I need  
>Every breath that I breathe<br>Don't you know you're beautiful  
>Yeah, yeah, yeah<strong>_

Everything i knew till that point

were that kind of woman whom i could've played hero for.

Soft and kind.

But you're not soft.

Life's not the easy way out with you.

You and your voice, you are the sharpest things in life.

Dangerous like a weapon.

And deadly.

And as i didn't watch myself

you put me under that spell.

One swift motion and i am your traget.

You've stabbed me.

And like fencers we both dance back and forth,

everytime around each other.

And we're hiding behind our masks that should prevent

us from any harm, but they'll do us no good.

Everytime i realized that softness that Elissa had, too,

in you,-

that thing that made me fall for a woman everytime-,

i see that with you there is always the ice, too.

And i freeze.

I feel like i'm dying in the cold.

But what a great death!

To freeze is some kind of peaceful, you know?

You're getting very tired and then it is over.

Everything's over.

And i'm sure if it is time for me to see my holy father

i will see your face.

The ice queen of homicide.

What a wonderful way to die.

Because i will have the most precious gift right before me.

The one person i look up to.

Who inspired me to stay at Cold Case Unit,

way outta from what i've loved before, the action on the streets.

Now i love something else..

Or better...

Someone else.

Because when i'd seen you

sitting there in the Bullpen,

every night i made a night of it,

i knew it maybe impossible

to work with you.

Because you're so damn stubborn

when it comes to your job.

You love your job.

That's okay.

But isn't there anything else in your world?

Or can't at least be there anything else?

Maybe something... or...

Someone?

Like me?

Yeah, to live with you is not the easy way 'round.

But there are no quarantees.

For nothing.

I once believed Elissa was my quarantee for an easy life.

An honorable life.

But i failed.

Like so many times.

I'd thought wrong.

It's something i've learned the hard way.

I've learned it from you.

The easy way must not be the right way for me.

You're not an easy person.

But you're worth to get to know you better.

_**Everybody needs inspiration  
>Everybody needs a song<br>A beautiful melody  
>When the nights are long<strong>_

**'cause there is no guarantee**  
><strong>That this life is easy<strong>

Nobody thinks i'll investigate time and ressources

to a dead end relationship.

But i tried.

I tried to melt the ice around you.

I even try it now.

In this very moment.

With my warmth. My love.

Hidden behind a maskerade,

a maskerade that's called

partners.

But now it is worse.

My chances passed me by.

With him running against your hard armor,

it is possible that i'll loose the battle.

Because i had tried to wash the ice away,

like a wave in the ocean, rollin' on an iceberg.

Trying to make a hole into that ice.

If he is now allowed to sweep through

the hole i've made...

_**When the waves are flooding the shore  
>And I can't find my way home any more<br>That's when I, I  
>I look at you<strong>_

You should be my lighthouse.

And mine alone.

_**Yeah when my world is falling apart  
>When there's no light<br>To break up the dark  
>That's when I, I<br>I look at you**_

He hasn't got a clue he will be doomed like all the others.

That he should hang in the thorns like all the Prince Charmings before.

I'm an idiot.

Because this is where i stand.

At the stairs of the castle,the sword right in hand.

And if it is my choice now

Sleeping Beauty might sleep a hundered more years

and have to wait once more for her fate.

Sleep well, Princess!

Your Prince Charming is a coward.

That's the reason i'll lie once more.

And i gasp for air.

When she says now:

„Damn, i was so stupid!

I failed."

„Yes", i want to shout.

„Yes, you've failed!"

I bring some distance between us instead.

I hope that she doesn't notice.

I go to her bookshelf instead of going to her and knock these damn thoughts

about him right away.

No, not knock them out of her head.

I want to take her face in my hands, all way gently,

and want to take her to me and kiss her until she comes back to her senses!

„And otherwise.." i have to clear my throat to scare away these thoughts,

_**I look at you  
>Yeah,<br>Whoa-oh, **_

_**You appear just like a dream to me **_

„ everythin's okay?"

I ask it because i don't know what more to say.

I have to stop me from killing myself.

And i want to hear that everything is okay, even between us,

because if i can't have her the way i want her,

all i wish for is her wellbeing.

Even if it means to stand that Joseph guy.

But i'm accustomed of grief.

„Yeah."

she says and closes her eyes.

Was that a lie?

I am a detective.

I can smell a lie from thousands of miles away.

She has never closed her eyes during our talks before.

She has never done such a thing before.

„Thanks, Scotty."

She looks at her feet again and starts walking to her door.

I tipped the video, unsure if it may be the right decision to take it back away with me.

But what if she may use it for her own good?

Will she show it to Boss and maybe she'll get her head out of the noose?

Must be my hero komplex.

The Prince who comes to her rescue in a shining armor

and with a white horse.

Who's the fool now?

As if she will fall for that.

„See ya tomorrow."

Lilly says now.

She opens the door for me.

That moment she sounded like the day her Mom died.

Resigned. Alone. And sad.

A feeling of impending doom takes possession of me and

i remember clearly the last time i left her that way.

But that's it for today.

Like always.

From now on i can only stand on the sideway.

All i can do is watch.

Great job, great hero!

I sigh when i passed her.

„How's that feelin'?"

she asks all out of the sudden.

Her voice is soft, quite and earnestly concerned.

She smiles.

She smiles at me like she never has smiled at me before.

I stop in my tracks.

Stay at her side in the doorframe.

My heart's beating in my chest like a thunderstorm

and besides all the faults i've done already

when it comes to Lilly Rush...

One more should only hurt myself.

„It's killin' me."

And i hear every emotion it costs me to say this,

vibrating in my voice.

I don't mean my hand.

She smiles again.

Because she knows.

I think she knows everything.

And one part of me thinks she feels the same way.

But there's this wall between us.

No matter what we wish for.

Yeah, I did something stupid when i'm freaked out on that perv.

She knows that.

She doesn't judge me.

Because i don't judge her.

She loves me anyway.

Like i will always love her anyway.

I can see it in her eyes.

Damn you, Lilly Rush!

Now that i know what i feel,

-what you feel-, what can i do about it?

_**When I look at you  
>I see forgiveness<br>I see the truth  
>You love me for who I am<br>Like the stars hold the moon  
>Right there where they belong<br>And I know I'm not alone**_

She stands at her frontdoor as i left her.

I took the stairs and i hear it when her door's closed.

I wish...

„Scotty!"

I can't believe that i hear her shouting my name after me.

Maybe she just wants to know what time she should be at the precinct tomorrow.

But Lilly stands on her doorsteps.

Locking me with her eyes.

„How much?"

she asks quietly and i know for sure that she's not talking about my hand, too.

„How much does it hurt?"

I think i'm dreaming.

Does she really ask me that question?

Does she really want to know how much pain she costs me?!

I jog the route back and stay  
>a stage under her, i have to put my head<br>in the neck to look up at her,  
>but I find this position so fitting.<p>

Because i've always looked up to her.

Because i love her.

„Hurt like hell."

i say and put every fibre of my entire being into it.

Everything about my feelings for her.

All my love for her.

„'kay."

she says and takes a long look at me.

Then she turned to the door again.

The handle of the door in her right hand, she suddenly turns around to me once more.

„You're comin'?! I need to take care of that hand before you're going to die at a septicemia."

Although i'm already at the stairs up to the gates of heaven when it comes to her,

my sprint up the stairs to her house is very presentable.

I can't wait.

I've been waiting long enough.

She will never see that jerk again!

I suggest the door to open again with one hand, grab the other according to her  
>hip and now i'm pushin' her literally through the door back inside.<p>

Then I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her in a  
>single, fluid motion towards me, the injured hand<br>in her neck and i see how she pulls up her eyebrows.

But she grins.

Lilly Rush grins

„Yeah, right. Hurts like hell."

she teases me and winks at me.

I give her one of my famous

Scotty Valens grins.

Then I can not hold back any longer  
>and we kiss.<p>

I drag the bright blue sweater,  
>that matches her big blue eyes so well, at me.<p>

As I slowly detach myself from her,  
>i whisper hoarsely. "Not anymore."<p>

She laughs and it sounds like music to my ears.

"Well," she says, adding:  
>"An ordinary kiss has so many getting them to open their eyes, huh?"<p>

This time I'm the one who has to laugh.

"Good concluded, Detective Rush.  
>Even if the tactic was a little harsh,<br>I think."

She raises her eyebrows at me again.  
>Her wonderful icy blue eyes sparkle with amusement.<p>

"I'm just the best, Detective Valens.  
>You listen- I'm talking;- Remember?! "<p>

I tilted my head in denial.  
>"Then tell me, Lil."<p>

But now it's her turn to shake her head,  
>and she occurs closer to me and kisses me again,<p>

on the tip of the nose.

"No. Maybe a little bit later."

And when she looks at me now her eyes are full of love.

Again.

_**I look at you  
>Yeah,<br>Whoa-oh, **_

_**You appear **_

_**just like a dream to me **_

**The End**


End file.
